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| I made another blog/brain dumb site.
http://martenhernandez.blogspot.com/ I try and write everyday. see you there. | | |
| ok so.
hmm. STF's almost over, i miss home...
ok so I was at Columbus, Ohio before but now im back in Chicago for college graduation fund raising.
ok so, I was thinking what is it that is most important that I have learned/gained this condition?
1. "God" = I love you for who you are, and I want for you to be happy. (2.) And always I love you but you hold back, why , why don't you let me love you, put down your walls, your defense's and let me love you. let those around you love you, feel the joy of love, the power of love.
Please.
umm that was kinda from God's perspective sort of thing, basically: I love you Marten for being Marten, and all I wish is for you to be happy, so receive love, open you heart to me to others, thats all I ask of you.
anyway hope everyone's doing good, and hope to see you at the workshop.
be safe
have fun
find peace and love in all you do
mansei
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| ok so i just wanted to put up a video which is really cool.
its a bunch of BC's from cali.
Well mansei everyone and enjoy.
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| Hmm. So.
Iam in Chicago now.
Here:
its kinda cold and snowy.
And this is the team, enjoying some tapioca stuff. (Thats Mike Carlson to the right.)
umm
ok
So i Made two determinations/goals or things I want to work on:
1. Learn to love/like people.
To grow my heart and really feel for others.
I put the /like because I think i need to generally like people over all before tying to love em.
To understand what "siblings love" means.
Be a true: son, brother. And prepare for the time of husband father thing.(not yet dont worry)
2. To grow my attentiveness to God to, really feel and believe.
To see from his eyes to love from his heart.
And to do my best in all that I do to return joy to him.
My capt.( this guy Josh Swenson)
Has this book the Warrior of Light by Paul Caolio or somthing.
Well I read this quote it was something like.
The warrior of light often searches to find meaning to his life.
Ok nevermind I googled it and found the qoute.
"Warriors of Light frequently ask themselves what they are doing here.
Very often they believe their lives have no meaning.
That is why they are Warriors of Light.
Because they make mistakes.
Because they ask questions.
Because they continue to look for a meaning.
And, in the end, they will find it."
~ Paulo Coelho in Manual of the Warrior of Light
That part " Very often they believe their lives have no meaning."
I feel that alot. even though I know the meaning of life I often wounder, Is that achievable?
Can I really return joy to God?
Can I create an Ideal Family?
And I doubt and doubt.
But someplace inside is certain of these goals.
And tells me not to worry, even tho you dont feel confident, you will, just keep on searching, keep on praying, keep on asking.
And you'll find what you looking for.
So be happy and dont give up.
(hmm the Itallicts wont turn off, so everything looks all fancy)
any way Mansie
to all and to all a good night.
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| hmm....
Iam in New York now, lots of people, smells pretty bad, its hard to breath at times, the sun doesn't come out much, everyones angry for some reason.
But its good.
so...
ok
I thought about this alot:
What makes me most happy?
?
I thought about that for a whole day, and couldn't find a clear answer.
I' ve thought of this many times last year and this year.
Why cant I commit myself, why do I have no inspiration, no desire, no drive.
Reason = No happiness.
So thats my goal now "Happiness"
"True Happiness"
And I guess because even though its not good to not be happy.
At least I have something I really want to work towards.
Some thing that I can truly say I want, and can works towards because it is something very real.
That is essential for life and everything.
Happiness.
/
so Iam doing good.
hmmm....
I guess I wrote that just to do something.
maybe try it.
What makes you most happy?
What do you aspire for?
What do you value?
Just good to think about sometimes.
Mansie,
be happy. | | |
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